Pause

I'm taking a weekend in la London so the blog will take a break for the weekend. Will try and do the mobility I'm supposed to do, but we'll see how that goes. A lot of walking lies ahead so all fingers crossed that the knee will hold up.

Have a great end of the week and I'll see you back in this space Monday eve!

x

Thursday

First time for twice in a row for strength this week as I'm heading to London tomorrow and won't have time for the gym then. It felt good. I still had 24 hours rest so no biggie really, but thought it'd be harder, tougher. Once again, I'm suspecting I might not be giving it my all (unintentionally so in that case!)

10 mins cycling
Leg press: 7+7+7 (10 reps)
Leg curl: 7+7+7 (10 reps)
Balance: 3x1 min
Lifters
----
One-legged squat: 3x10 (this hurt like hell!)
Lunges: 3x10
Ski jumps: 3x20 (best one so far I think, even if the last 10 were really really tough)
Squats: 15+15+15 (10 reps) (finally got the hang of it! For today at least)
Interval cycling: 3x 6x30 secs

No breakdowns, however some severe pain. I'm still writing it off as normal post-op sensation. It is quite a big operation the knee's gone through. Also realised that if I stop waiting, stop counting, then maybe it will feel better. Living now, today, this moment rather than plunging in an anticipatory future which will come either way. There are a lot of gym sessions to be done, a lot of sweat to be sweated, and probably more tears to come - but that will all come in due time. As for now, I've done my share and can look forward to 4 days away from the gym, and a holiday.

Temporary calm.

x

Buh-bye!

Had my last (voluntary) gym session at Nordic Club, a.k.a Useless Gym today! What a relief! No more random figures instead of actual weights, I'm rid of builders and sweating in a construction site - and I'm back in CJ house as of Monday!

However, if I'm to be completely frank, I've had a good last two sessions. This is typical me. Once things draw towards their inevitable ends, I tend to appreciate them more; find my place more and so on. I was getting along with the bikes a lot better today and yesterday and the leg press might not be so bad after all. Nevertheless, I'm glad these three weeks are over and I can't wait to go back to my old gym.

Pat on the shoulder for me for making it through in one piece.

x

More success

Today's gym session went well! Or, whenever it feels good I suspect I did not give it my all. If I'm not in tears at least twice and hyperventilating three - can it be a good work out? Anyway:

10 mins cycling
Leg press: 7+7+7 (10 reps)
Leg curl: 6+7+7 (10 reps)
Balance 3x 1 min
Lifters
----
One-legged squat
Lunges
Ski jumps
Squats: 10+15+15 (10 reps)
Interval cycling

Same strategy as last time; set shift indicated with ----. One-legged squats were horrible today - pain, pain, pain! -, but interval cycling went ok.

x

Week 8 finito

Week 8 has come to an end and thereby marks 2 months since surgery. Where are we at?

- walking more or less normally (after training)
- able to use equal strength in left/right knee in leg press (see image)
- interval cycling
- swelling is gone
- heat difference is more or less gone
- full extension
- almost full flexion

According to web sites I'm supposed to have 100% mobility range now but I'm not too happy with mine. More work required! Other than that, looks like I'm on schedule.

x

Calling for stories!

If anyone out there is or has been touched with an ACL rupture - please e-mail me your story! Reconstruction, first or second, or did you choose not to do the surgery? Maybe making the decision right now?

Please send to:

ladypretentious@gmail.com

I love hearing how other people view the process!

x

Pain!

As usual when I feel in a good mood about things, it goes wrong. So, accordingly, when knee felt alright after a walk in town and after some cycling and mobility work, it fell apart again.

At the moment having some pain spasms on the inside of the knee, or the medial part. This pain is slightly disconcerting as the doctors before have said unanimously and without a doubt that I had torn my medial meniscus as well as the ACL. MRIs and manual observation have led to this conclusion. But when they went inside, during surgery - in two cases with two different surgeons - they found that the meniscus was intact. Now I'm no drama queen (keep telling myself that at least) but this feels wrong.

2 weeks until I see Mr Physio again.

x

Gymming

Today in its bright success:

10 mins cycling
Leg press: 7+7+7 (10 reps)
Leg curl: 6+6+7 (10 reps)
Balance: 3x1 min (with movement)
----
Lifters
One-legged squats
Squats
Lunges
Ski jumps
Interval cycling

Had a new strategy today. Did one rep of interval cycling straight after warm-up, thereby gaining two things: a. one lap of that horrible exercise out of the way straight; b. proper proper warm-up. Then I split the rest of the session into two sets (indicated by ----) and did interval cycling in the middle and finally at the end. Walked away tired and beat. I win (this time)!

x

Tip!

To all recent ACL surgerees out there! Here's a tip on how to keep the scarring down besides the obvious ones (keep out of the sun etc): moisturize! And not just any old moisturizer no - I can definitely recommend Body Butter Duo from The Body Shop (above). Out of the 4 'flavours' I think Macadamia is absolutely terrific. Possibly the best scent of all times!

The 'For dry skin' side is perfect for new scars to keep them soft and prevent them from breaking and chapping etc. For older scars/other body parts, there's the 'normal' side of the jar.

Now on sale in Sweden and at a decent price (£12 I think) in the UK!

x

Befriending the Builders

Gym went ok today actually. I think the lower expectations, the better the results. But that wasn't the major news today. As I've told before, they are refurbishing the gym - all over the place, everywhere (and they love to do it in the particular place I need when I need it). Anyway, today I was in the group training room alone doing my lifters as a builder walked in. He said 'Hi' (surprisingly: we're usually quite reserved here in Sweden) and spotted my knee.

"Recent surgery I see," he said.
"Well, two months," was my reply.

He came towards me and rolled up the leg of his trousers. A scar. Just like mine but faded. It turns out he'd torn his ACL playing floorball a while ago - surgery done by no other than KEN! And of course it wasn't fully healed yet. And he'd done same as me - patellar reconstruction - and as a builder he obviously didn't feel 100% kneeling down and stuff. I told him my story of how Ken messed up. He was 30-ish years old and had not been able to play floorball since.

I have seen the future.

x

Stagnancy

It's not getting better, it's not getting worse. 2 weeks until I see Mr Physio again and I'm supposed to be walking normally and have zero swelling. Erm, so, speed up?

Today:

30 mins cycling
Mobility
30 mins cycling
Mobility

Gym tomorrow morning. Note: I'm sick of this now.

x

Heureka!

I was sitting in front of the TV, watching Revolutionary Road - a film I've been meaning to watch for a long time. I mean, come on, it's got Kate Winslet and Leo Dicaprio in it - how could it not be good? About 3/4 in to the film (which is good by the way!) I look at Dicaprio and think to myself: "Why do I feel like I know you?" It was weird. It felt as though I knew him personally, as though I was watching an acquaintance on the screen! Then it struck me. And this realisation also explains other things.


CJ LOOKS LIKE LEO!

Of course - it all makes sense now! CJ looks a little bit like one of my favourite actors! They've got the same shape of the face and the smile is almost identical! CJ looks a bit older, I'll be honest, even if they probably are around the same age. Anyway, realisation of the evening!

x

End of week 8

Today's:

15 mins cycling
Leg press: 6+7+7+8 (10 reps)
Leg curl: 6+7+7 (10 reps)
Balance board: 3x 1 min
Lifters
Squats: 10+15+15 kg
One-legged squats: 3x10
Lunges: 3x10
Ski jumps: 3x20
Interval cycling: 3x 6x30 secs

Went back to original structure today, i.e. one full lap with all exercises topped with cycling x3.

x

One for the team

According to the rules of the compromise, I thus dragged myself to the gym. My conscience could simply not take the blow of missing a strength session. They always show a film on one of the three TVs by the cardio machines: I've watched Pirates of the Caribbean and Fracture and today was Capone with Sean Connery and Al Pacino. What a good start!

It went ok with only a couple of minor breakdowns and even did a more or less full interval cycling set. I'm getting along with those cycles a bit more now. Squats felt alright as well even if I'm still not sure I'm doing them right. However, one-legged squats were a pain, as well as lifters for some reason. Never had problems with those since I got full extension!

And sometimes it feels as though there's something inside the knee, like a scar but on the inside. I'm not convinced here and it ought to be remembered that there is a 50/50 chance of full recovery. I know I can't be pessimistic about the whole rehabilitation, because then it'll never ever work out, but it does make one wonder...

x

History

Yesterday:

2x mobility
No cycling

Not good, but mobility is top priority and because of the Norway attacks, I sat glued to my laptop all evening.

Gym awaits in a little bit today. Motivated? Very. My shins on left leg hurt, as though shin splints have struck. I don't like that at all, and interval cycling today will be an epic story. Hallelujah!

x

Thoughts to the victims of terror attacks in Norway

I've lived in Oslo and seeing the streets I used to walk blown to pieces is terrible. The tragedy on Utoya is so very unreal - all my thoughts to the victims and everyone else in my neighbouring lands.

Certainly gives you perspective.

x

Oops I did it again

Going rock straight forward downhill. Today was gym day. Today is not going to be gym day. Because of pain from yesterday's walking, I pushed it forward, and forward, and forward. Now slept and decided I will not go. Of course, there is the weekend and I fully intend to go tomorrow. But it's a compromise. And I promised not to compromise. I suppose it's allowed, but now I have to do the mobility stuff this evening to make up for it + cycling.

Not good. First big slip-up 7+ weeks in though. Maybe we can live with that? And of course, if I carry everything out, it's not a slip-up!

x

One down

Loyal readers remember me saying that Mr Physio suggested I take a total of 3 days off during this time. Not in a row, of course, but over the 4 weeks. Yesterday was one. Only training was 30 mins cycling and, granted, I did a lot of walking but that's not strictly training. This, however, means the knee is incredibly stiff today and I'm facing a gym session. Great! The gym closes at 8pm, I think I will wait a little...

In other news, had a good birthday with good friends, Veronica Maggio and non-alcoholic mango daiquiris. Love it.

x

22.

Today is my birthday. I leave 21 behind and embark upon the big 22. First impression is that I like it. It's even, well-rounded and complete.

In my year at age 21, I...
- ...completed my second year at uni
- ...overcame my fear of exams
- ...met two fantastic ChubbChubbs
- ...got long hair
- ...lost/got rid of someone I used to call my best friend
- ...went to Slovenia

and of course

- ...tore my ACL for the second time and finally had to admit and accept the end of my 12-year long basketball career.

Happy birthday to me! 

x

Pretty Boy

Pretty Boy and I have 10 mutual friends on Facebook. I think I played in the same basketball club as his younger brother. I investigated closer today. He is skinny, skinny indeed. But his face reminds me of something, of a mythical creature of sorts...but I can't figure out which. Let me get back to you on that.

x

BOOM!

One major break-down and a few minor, that's all. Today's session was good, and probably the best in the past two weeks (it seems forever since I was at my old gym). Bikes still hurt the knee and towards the end I was in bad pain but I pulled through. Very good, m'lady.

As such:

15 mins cycling
Leg press: 6+7+8 (15-15-10)
Leg curl: 6+7+7 (10)
Balance: 3x1 min
---
Lifters
One-legged squat
Squats: 20+20+20 - this one is BAD! I cannot figure out how to do it right. Any suggestions welcome.
---
Lunges
Ski jumps
---
Interval cycling: 30 secs x 6

The --- shows the various sets. Especially Ski jumps and Lunges hurt today + One-legged squats. Also the hamstring is still giving me a hard time. This is not only not good, but very strange as well. Hm.

x

Tuesday

Standard procedure, however order a bit mashed:

30 mins cycling
Mobility
Mobility
30 mins cycling

Very stiff, despite/because of the walk. Been doing a bit more moving around than usually whilst cleaning, cooking etc. Can't decide whether that's good or not, but surely it must be beneficial to be mobile rather than sit still?

x

Green Light

Took my first official walk today. It wasn't by any means long, and probably summed up to a total less than what I've done before, but rather than walking around in town, I actually walked from my house, to a shopping center and then back home. I think it took about 20 minutes each way.

Not much but I'll still consider it progress!

x

Interval

As of today the interval cycling has changed (on order from Mr Physio). Instead of 5 60-second intervals (w 60 seconds rest between each) the time has now been altered to 6 30-second intervals (with 30 seconds rest). In order words, instead of a total of 10 minutes per set, we're down to 6 minutes. However, as physio pointed out, the resistence is to be a lot higher, and speed much faster throughout.

Too bad the fricking bicycles hurt my knee! 2 more weeks.

x

End of week 7

Oh my, I've calculated wrong - I'm in week 7 not 8! Goodness me, that relieves me. A whole week extra given. Great! I tried a new version today - splitting the sets up differently. Instead of doing one set of all exercises in three laps, I did mini-laps with less exercises, followed by a set of interval cycling. Each lap is indicated by ----.
Today's session:

15 mins cycling
Leg press: 6+7+7 (15-10-10 reps)
Leg curl: 6+7+7 (10 reps)
Balance: 3x1 min
----
Lifters
One-legged squat: (both legs)
Squats: 10+10+10 kg
----
Lunges
Ski jumps
----
Interval cycling

I don't know if Mr Physio has given me a specific order of things for a reason, but I can't see how it would affect me tremendously by changing it up. The reason for this alteration is partly variation, partly convenience. I went a bit later today and there were loads of people there compared to the mornings. So to get a machine was not as easy (especially not for squats in the Man Section, stupid stereoid testosterone beasts). Anyway, despite some breathtaking moments in cycling, up towards 90% heart in this one. Decent effort in other words.

x

Pork Chops

Check me out, all down and energy-less and such sentiments, and I dragged my sorry ass of to the gym anyway! After a proper carb binge (and I mean proper: we're talking wheat and sugar here) energy levels sort of rose and as the rain had stopped, I quickly changed, packed the bag and hiked away.

And it was ok, in a way. It is Monday, i.e. first session of the week, and considering the state I was in before I went, I'm happy about the session. However, the pain is still there and both squats and one-legged squats hurt in front of the knee. Also I swear those spinning cycles hurt my knee because of the angle my foot is forced into when strapping the shoe into the pedal - it hurt while cycling and the positioning is too inwards! Especially for me, it's important to keep the knee cap outwardsfacing. Now at my old gym...let's not go there.

Pretty Boy in the reception was extra pretty. He's got a what we in Sweden call a "Pork Chop Hair Style" or "Kotlettfrisyr". Now, I'm a vegan but this I don't mind. And he said bye first when I left - remember that he is very uninterested in customer or customer service. Boo-yah!

x

Rain outside, rain inside

It's raining like mad outside. Has been doing so since this morning. Now, I have to go by bus to the gym. How unfortuntate.

Jokes aside, despite the temptation, and because I'm such a diligent ACL rehabilitator, I've decided upon the following: I'll leave latest 4pm, or when it stops.

Umbrella recommended.

x

Weekend concluded

Having spent the day with my grandmothers, training suffered a tad.

30 mins cycling
2x mobility (minus 2x pressers due to pain)
30 mins cycling

Lifters is the most important exercise according to Mr Physio, so did all those before pain and discomfort made me stop. Got the hour of cycling in as well which is important for mobility range and control. The pain from earlier on this week persists - the feeling of being bruised inside and I find it difficult to sit/lie still at times. A sort of restlessness in the left knee. It has also gone more swollen.

Now, Mr Physio said I could take any problems to the ER in the clinic while he's away, but that feels a wee bit over the top - or...?

x

Week 8 pain

Some weird pain going on at the moment just in front of the knee, around the patella. Sort of as if it would be bruised, and even more when flexing, but also when still. Really quite uncomfortable.

However, I'm in my 8th week, so just going to sign it off as post-op regular pains. Even with a hamstring graft, the first 6-8 weeks are tough and I've been told an ACL reconstruction with patellar graft is a lot more painful overall than a hamstring one.

After 30 mins cycling it does feel a bit better (despite some heat change) so maybe it was just stiff from the night.

x

Question

What kind of gym opens at 12am on a Sunday? 

Clue: MY gym.

Go away.

x

Saturday, Saturday

Productivity: zero.

60 mins cycling (2x30 mins)
2 Mobility sessions (now reduced to 2 exercises)

Watched Harry Potter II, read Harry Potter VII, and learned a wee bit about adjectives in Japanese. Ate ice cream. Not a brilliant day.

Totemo kurai desu.

x

Week 8

20 min cycling
Leg press: 7+7+7 (10 reps)
Leg curl: 6+7+6 (10 reps) - still can't get my head around this one.
Balance: 3x1 min
Lifters
Squats: 10+20+20 kg (10 reps) - not 100%.
One-legged squats: 3x10 - OW! Hard last 10 ones.
Lunges: 3x10 
Ski jumps: 3x20 - increased distance here.
Interval cycling: 3x5 mins - such a failure...

And this evening:
12 mins cycling
15 mins cycling


Again, walking is easier, but the pain persists.

x

Longest minutes ever

Why are minutes not always the same length? Sitting and doing nothing, it seems so swift and quick, whereas on the stationary bike in an interval it seems forever.

Heaviest day so far in the gym today. Painful and energy-less and uninspired. Well, it's done. If even at 50% heart.

I need a holiday.

x

Something curly...

Indeed, something curly walked in to the gym today. Something tanned, something tall, something skinny. Clad in dark, he moved his brown curls around the room with a friend. I couldn't get a good look because it is a very small room and they were always looking all over the place so the chance of eye contact was too big. He also seemed to know semi-cute guy in the reception.

Stay tuned for updates.

x

Top 3 Worst Rehab Songs:

3. Robyn - Time Machine

That would quite useful, Robyn, thank you very much. Ca 7 years back, 2004 please?

 

2. Gilbert Becaud - Et Maintenant

And now? What do I do now? Now that it's gone?

 1. Simple Plan - How Could This Happen To Me?

The signature tune of all 'Pity Parties For One'.

All banned from my iPod!

Lies. Time Machine is there, on the Work-Out list. What can I say - I'm an emotional masochist.

x

Good girl

2x mobility - check!

In other news, absolutely nothing. Well, accommodation in Tokyo is sorted, now on to flights. Still undecided whether I should find a physio or not. It would be good to do all the tests at 6 months and also to have someone to refer to should something feel wrong. Sure, I'll have Mr Physio here via e-mail/phone but I don't like hassling people. Also if there is a gym similar to what I have here, with the physio working in it, that'd be fantastic.

Hmm.

x

Naughty naughty...

Well, not really. Took a day off from the gym - with full intention of making up for it during the weekend! It's not a knee strength day, hence the not-so-much-guilt. Did one mobility session + 2x30 mins cycling just now, and will do more mobility tonight.

We're all good.

x

Eye Candy

In the dismal landscape that is my new gym, there is not much to look at. Partly because it's pretty much always empty, but otherwise there are only 40-something construction workers, 16-year old girls or 40-something sweaty past-the-best-before-date weightlifters in the Man Section.


But.

There is a guy in the reception. He's sort of cute. No, he's pretty. Pretty to look at, but seems either zombie-like or just not very interested in customers.

Beggars can't be choosers so I'm settling with him for now. Where's MJ when you need him?

x

Today

15 mins cycling
Leg press: 7 3x10 reps
Leg curl: 6+7 (stupid refurbishing prevented me from finishing)
Balance: 3x1 min
Lifters
Squats: 15+15+20 kg 10 reps
One-legged squats: 3x10
Lunges 3x10
Ski jumps 3x20
Interval cycling 3x10 mins
Bending

75% heart into this one. But glad I went at all.

x

New low

In all aspects. I hate - no, let me repeat with emphasis - hate my gym! They're refurbishing so today they decided to close down one half of the weights room. Oh, really? "Please, we're tearing down the ceiling, it's closed temporarily here." Sod off. Could not complete programme because of this. If they close the spinning room heads will roll. Just a warning, Nordic Club.

I miss CJ gym.

x

Motivation

In dire lack of it - and oddly so! I mean, it will lead to a healthy knee, a normal lifestyle, fitness &c. Win-Win-Win situation if I ever saw one.

Still - bah.

x

Flashback #3

Stockholm 2004. The unofficial Nordic Championship (Scania Cup). Our coaches had begged and bribed in order for us to skip the traditional local competition organised by our club and try our luck in the capital against the best teams from all Nordic countries, all there on invitation only. This was taken May 1st, after 3-4 days of playing. A month earlier, April 2nd, I spun around in the last offence of the training and tore my ACL. I went with them though, and watched. I'm the one in blue.

We came third. I got a medal. It means nothing.

x

Pain = Progress?

Every time I think something along the lines of "wow, that hurts, that must be bad" the next second it improves. Today at the gym (for mobility, I'm a good girl) as I was cycling it kinda stabbed in the side as if the joint wasn't completely hinged on, so I followed the advice on the machine and stopped. Did mobility stuff which went ok and as I walked out I felt my walking was a lot better, a lot more towards normal - and it's stayed that way all day! The swelling/fluid retention is also at the same low level even without pills today.

Is pain progress?

x

Day 46 - Autopilot

15 mins cycling
Leg press: 7 (such a stupid system) 10 reps
Leg curl: 6 (I mean - seriously???) 10 reps
Squats: 0+10+15 kg (bar weighs less here than at usual place) 10 reps
One-legged squat: (painful today) 3x10 reps
Lunges 3x10 reps
Ski jumps: 3x20 reps
Balance: 3x1 min (stupid, stupid gym for not having 2 boards!)
Interval cycling: 3x10 mins
Killer exercise

It felt heavy from the moment I started and didn't get easier as it usually does. Maybe it's because it's Monday, maybe it's the new gym, maybe something else. A bit of pain today as well (despite taking 2 painkiller before) so gotta keep check of progression.

x

Under construction

I hate my new gym.

It took less than a minute. After a positive start with a pleasant greeting from the receptionist, I swiped my brand new gym card and ventured for the changing room. Closed. Closed until further notice for refurbishment. Damnit. My optimism sank like a cell phone dropped in the sea. Anything that happened after this followed a similar line:

- they only have one balance board; I need two
- they have a funny sitting version of leg curl; I hate it
- their leg press is awkward; don't like
- the machines don't display weight, but numbers 1-10; WTF?
- the construction workers are sometimes in the spinning room, sawing and measuring and stuff; a tad awkward when I'm about to do the interval cycling.

I miss my rehab gym - and CJ!

x

Ervin Eleskovic

Ervin Eleskovic, Swedish tennis player, made his debut in Davis Cup this week. Early on in his first game he went for a ball and suddenly fell to the ground. The national team doctor quickly established that left knee ACL was torn and Eleskovic had to be carried off court. In the absence of our usual tennis star Robin Söderling, Eleskovic was given the chance to prove himself. He's been called "the future of Swedish tennis" and "super talent" by media and people in the know-how. Born 1987, 23 years old, his debut turned out to be a nightmare and he now faces 6-8 months rehab following the reconstructive surgery. However,I'm sure he'll come back. He's young and as a national team player you have all the best people around you.

All the best, Ervin.

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Nordic Club

Tomorrow it's premiere for the new temporary gym while my normal one is closed. 3 weeks await in Nordic Club, ironically located just next to the other one. I've been there before but only for a couple of days. And this is a proper one, with normal people. No wounded, invalid, or pouchy. And I'll have to dare my way in to the "Men's Section" where the buff ones lift weights, bench press hundreds of kilos and squat with twenty times what I do.

Confidence, m'lady, confidence!

x

Huzzah for pills!

It almost looks like a knee now, don't you think? On order/recommendation of CJ, I started taking inflammation repressive pills to get rid of the fluid which had assembled on the inside of the knee. On the little information sheet it said maximum 3 pills per day. So naturally I'm taking 4. Third day and I've gone from pouchy swollen to almost anatomically correct. 

Win!

x

Scarred

I think my days as knee model are over before they even began. 

x

Today

Training:

15 mins cycling
Leg press: 70+75+75 (15-10-10 reps) - I'm avoiding increasing this one, but it felt a lot better today!
Leg curl: 27.5+30+30 (3x10 reps) - Don't see the point in being lenient here.
Balance: 3x1 min with tennis ball - Good day for balance today.
Lifters
Squats: 3x10 - With bar! Feeling ok-ish now.
One-legged squats: 3x10 - Definite improvement from before.
Lunges: 3x10 (both sides) - Felt better, much better, than before.
Ski jumps: 3x20 - Trusting knee more and more here.
Interval cycling: 3x 5 min intervals
Bendings

I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it feels to have a knee that is actually trustworthy! 7 years, people, 7 YEARS! Now, I'm no expert, but it feels in better shape now than it did the weeks before the surgery. Lunges was not even an option then. Happy day!

x

Evil

An evil lady threw away my sheet with the programme on it today. Bitch. Not so much for the programme itself (I know it by heart) but that sheet of paper had CJ's handwriting on it!

Evil Lady can only pray that he writes me a new one when I see him next time, or you're in big, BIG, trouble my dear.

x

Question Time

Where is MJ???

I befriended another receptionist today. She's awfully nice. Perhaps I can sneak his status out of her...?

x

Heartbreaker #2

Talked to CJ (gosh, those arms!) in the gym today as he compared me and another patient (guy) who'd also done ACL. Gotta love this exchange:

GUY: "Wow, your mobility is a lot better than mine."
CJ: "Well, yes, but she works hard for it [insert smile towards me]."
ME: "[Insert stutter] Mm, yes, yes, I do."

But oh, how the tables have turned, CJ! Didn't say goodbye to him today or wished him pleasant holidays. And now regret it of course, but it could have been a very awkward conversation. So no farewell before this long, long 3-week recess. I like to imagine him coming out of his office, glance into the empty gym, then increasing his pace in hope to find me by the receptionist, booking an appointment or other, then silently retreat into his office when he realises I'm gone.

Maybe.

x

Heartbreaker

Had my own personal trainer today in the gym. First we had a little chat out on the balcony about horses and stuff, then it was time to hit the machines. Oh, it was a 5-year old girl by the way. One of the receptionists had brought her daughter to work and to stop the girl from climbing on the railing (we're 3 floors up) and fall and die, I went out and ended up talking to her for 20 minutes. Then she'd come in every now and then in the gym and show me something, or ask something. Very fascinated by my interval cycling she was. Super cute, super blonde and super nice, but she was very very upset when her mum finished work just when I was finished with the session and they had to leave. I don't even like children that much but in her format, they're fine - even cute!

x

Friday

Body aches from yesterday when I added LUNGES and SKI JUMPS to training programme. Celebrated a friend's birthday and so got back at 1.30am last night. But yes, let's go to the gym today! Have one last strength session this week, and also last day in 4 weeks I'll see CJ...sad times!

x

Heartbroken

I supposed it had to come, this day. It was simply inevitable. But even as you know it, expect it even, it hurts nonetheless. When dream stays dream, fantasy does not escape fantasy, and wishing is done upon a star long gone. It happened around 10am.

I'd been spotting CJ all morning, walking back and forth, had a little 'hello' the first time. Even knocked on his door as I planned on talking to him, but he was out then. So halfway through the session I mustered the courage and went to his door as I knew he wasn't with a patient (yes, I keep check). Knocked. No reply. Maybe I knocked too lightly? Knocked again. Harder this time. After a minute or so he opened and said he'd been on the phone. So I went in, told him about what the doctor said and he calmed me down as only he can.

(This is funny: I had my operation done in a very posh clinic, probably the best in Sweden - FIFA Medical Center and top-of-the-game doctors/physios. I live, and CJ works, in a shitty town south-east. In reply to my "I was at SH yesterday", CJ sarcastically said "Oh, how lovely..." I love passive-aggressive bitterness!)

But then for some reason I looked down. At his hand. Just to make sure. I was so shocked I forgot what we were talking about. On the left hand, on fourth finger counting from the thumb - the one thing I did not want to see, the circle of disappoinment, of never-gonna-happen. The ring.

Sad smileys all over this lady today :( It was good while it lasted, CJ, very good indeed...

x

ps: Do wedding rings and engagement rings look different? I mean a married man is a married man but an engagement is more of a guideline anyway, isn't it?

So much!

I don't know where to start! Ok, here goes:

1. MC/MJ is still MJ on his office door. We're all good.

2. Ken is gone! I got suspicious already when I saw his office door was open. He'd be the last person on earth to have an 'open door' policy. I saw one of the receptionists go back and forth and do something with the sign outside so when the coast was clear, I snuck up and had a look- and indeed, there's a new person! Sadly a woman- how boring! I wonder what's happened to Ken...

3. I'm now buddies with almost all the lovely receptionists. You can say whatever you like about Ken, or anyone else there, or the health system, but these people have helped me and sorted me out from day 1 back in 2004. Much love to you.

4. I'm sure I forgot something.

x

Training

Despite coming home at 2.30pm, managed all my mobility stuff today. Good girl.

20 mins cycling
Mobility
20 mins cycling
Mobility
20 mins cycling

Even the hour of cycling. Gooder girl. Tomorrow is gym at 8.45am (yes, I treated myself to a 15-minute lie-in) with strength, interval cycling & CJ action. Fingers crossed for MJ - he's been missing for a while!

x

The Stockholm

Went to Stockholm today to see doctor for 6-week check-up. He was Greek, tall, slim, nice, friendly, sort of good-looking - and that's when I saw the feet. Crocs. Shame.

Anyhuu, footwear aside, I have to assume he knows what he's talking about and he was not a perfectly happy bunny. He said mobility range is good, but his first question was: Why are you limping? What does one say in reply? He thought I should be walking normally (Ha! Not a chance) and that it perhaps should be less swollen. So tomorrow CJ talk + efforts to walk normally.

Still cracking and clicking and crunching and acting weird.

x ps: pic 1 is a celebrity couple of interior designers in Sweden who do make-overs in people's homes. Spotted by yours truly outside the Royal Theatre today! My god, Stockholm is beautiful!

6 weeks

It doesn't look much like a knee...swollen again today (pic 1 taken a few days ago - note how left is half the size of right leg). Ice pack on and tomorrow we're approaching Mr Physio to find out if I should be worried or not.

x

Answers

CJ cares. Little chat today in the gym, asking how it's going, how it feels, and repeating the sad news that he'll be away on vacation for 4 weeks, starting next week. I wonder what he will be doing...

x

MC?

I randomly glanced at the little individual stamp machines in the reception today while the lady at the desk put in my date of birth in the computer. Each employee has their own, labelled with their intials. There was CJ, HS (Zombie), TH (Beaver), JE (Ken) - and MC. MC? There is only one person left but that's MJ and should be, consequently M-J, not MC!

He changed his name? Did he get married?! I turn my head for a weekend and this is what happens...! Stay tuned, investigation follows...

x

Realisation

You know when you know something, you're very well aware of it, but when you're faced with it, it still kind of hurts? This was it. I mean, I know, I'm not stupid, I know that I'm just another patient and that our little love story is only in my head. But when it struck me - that I'm just another patient - it had some sort of impact. I'm just the day job - the same I see my parents go to every day with a sigh, return from 8 hours later with an even louder sigh, only to illustrate with a sigh of relief on a Friday afternoon. The day job. What you do to put food on the table, and not by free will. I'm not saying you can't possibly enjoy it, by the way. I'm sure some do.

Could CJ be one of those?

x

Decision

I've made a decision regarding tonight's training. As I have a gym session booked tomorrow at 8.30am I will only cycle 15 more minutes and do some light bending rather than a full mobility programme. I will simply be too tired tomorrow if I do that.

Boy, I will feel SO guilty about this!

x

Saturday

Training:

15 mins cycling
15 mins cycling
Mobility
15 mins cycling
15 mins cycling
Mobility

Standard procedure, really.

x

Word of the day:

SLOW: doing, moving or happening without much speed (Cambridge Dictionary Online)


Applicable to everything. Life, rehabilitation, progression, learning curve, you name it.


x

Session

Training today:

15 mins cycling
Leg press: 70+75+75
Leg curl: 25+27.5+30
Balance: 3x1 min
Lifters
Squats: 3x10 reps
Interval cycling: 3x 10min

Also attempted some one-legged squats (10 reps) and it hurt, let me tell you that. Will do it properly Monday.

x

Hello Intervals

Mr Physio approached me in the gym today (oh, yes he did, voluntarily and everything!) and said he'd forgotten an exercise. A little distant memory inside me from last ACL reconstruction, nudging on a sensitive nerve. He called my name and, in seemingly slow-motion, his hand was released in the air and eventually landed on the exercise bike next to him. I had been right. Interval cycling.

Last time round I had to do interval cycling and I absolutely hated it. HATED. IT. In a silent, short moment I thought I'd get away this time. CJ outsmarted me there. Beginning with 60 secs intervals, 10 mins in total. Times 3."Sweaty" is an understatement.

x

Yesterday

Yesterday's training:

15 mins cycling
Mobility: pressers; heel slides; prone knee flexion; lifters; balance board
20 mins cycling
(Triceps/chest/shoulders/abs/upper back)
15 mins cycling
20 mins cycling
Mobility: as above

x

8am

It's 8am and again I'm soon awaiting a gym session. Again I ask myself why. Again I explain to myself that I get it done in the morning and can enjoy sun all the rest of the day. Today, however, my arms are aching from yesterday, my glutes are dead from, well I don't know what, squats maybe.

Let me put it this way: a little less than motivated today.

x