basketballing

So it was time. Finally. Basketball. Keio Mustangs was going to get a visit from Swedish super star (ha!) JoJo Svensson. Well, they did. And I realised a few things. But first, let me say that the knee coped. Obviously I was super careful and tried to stay out of any unnecessary confrontations. After 7 years I have developed a distinct style in this manner. Now knee is swollen + under ice but I'll take it as a positive step nonetheless.

To my realisations.
1. I'm not good anymore. Not that I ever was amazing, but not having touched a basketball for 7 months clearly damaged my skills. Airballs all over the place (although I got a couple of good shots, including a 3-pointer) and generally struggling to play. This is ok I suppose.

2. Basketball isn't as fun as I hoped. I had these sky-high expectations of how amazing it would feel to finally be back in my hoods, my homelands. But it wasn't. Perhaps because I couldn't play properly, or because I couldn't really communicate with the people (they spoke very little English), but that burning fire within was lacking. This realisation leads me to the final, and most important one...

3. Basketball isn't my hood anymore. Of course I had decided to quit already, and I stand by that, but some part of me still hoped to find a home, a familiar place, within the game. As this feeling did not occur, I think it is over for good. Maybe this was the closure I needed. Now I'm quitting by my own decision, not one made for me. Even though they are of course intertwined.

I don't know if this is my current state of mind speaking, but I think I can eventually move on from basketball. I'll be that old lady who has 12 cats (or in my case, pugs) and talks about her glory days as a young promising basketball player, dropping 3-pointers here and there. Of course my 'promising career' ended in 2004 but I had a good run after that. Don't get me wrong, I will still mourn this loss.

Moving on might be possible and necessary, but that doesn't mean it gets any easier. The only positive aspect now is that I don't have to think "what if?" - and in my opinion, that's a big one. Over and out.

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