run

60-ish minute run today. Not sure about distance as I didn't use my fancy Nike+ but around 7-8 km maybe. Stopped every now and then because the knee was painful or threatening to fold + traffic lights etc.

Afterwards it was dead, and now walking hurts a bit. If CJ doesn't reply by Monday I swear I'll fly over there and knock on his door myself! I feel like I'm weightless in space - just sort of floating around without purpose, direction, or control. It's a weird feeling. Also eating a lot and can't really do proper training so getting fatter. I love my life. Yes, I could eat less but stress + inactivity = food galore.

It's a pathetic place to be in, and yet here I am. Just got to ride it out and hope the wave hits the shore at some point. During the run the meniscus hurt a lot, and I swear to god that if anything is wrong I will fall apart into a million pieces, and I'm not sure it'll be possible to glue it together again. Terrified? Me? Never...

And yes, people are starving, and people are in wheelchairs and people can't walk at all, and a thousand other things - but this is my world, and it's crumbling around me regardless. Gosh, I need someone to reason with. My own head is not good enough anymore.

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