So today turned out to be decent, despite severe tiredness.
7.1 km, 40 minutes
Bending x3
Didn't have time for glute bridges, which leaves me at only 4 this week but it'll have to do. Mitigating circumstances (=Eurovision) has rendered me so, so tired this week. Next one will hopefully mean proper sleep and I can do full sessions again.
x
5/27/2012
5/26/2012
12 months
12 months post-op was yesterday and it passed by quite unnoticed. Perhaps mostly because even though the official rehab might be over (gosh, that sounds odd to my ears), I'm still far from recovered.
Nevertheless the training session I had in honour of the day went rather well, so I shall not complain. A year ago (before the surgery) I could not run at all, not even cycle because of pain, and walking was hazardous because it might give way. Whatever has gone down these past 12 months, and wherever this ends up - I've come a long way from that.
It's time to, even if it's difficult, think ahead and look to what's possible rather than to keep mourning the past and try to rationalise it. It's done and it won't change, so let's leave where it belongs. Easier said than done, and I'm sure you'll be reading a melancholic post here again, but for now that's my ambition at least.
Thank you for following my journey, and particularly Tony for encouraging comments and always being there, no matter how much I've been whining. You've given me some seriously good insights throughout and helped in keeping me sane.
ACL Rehab 2.0 will now become (courtesy of Tony) ACL 2.0 Beta, as the journey continues. Maybe the summer season can offer some new CJ drama?
x
Nevertheless the training session I had in honour of the day went rather well, so I shall not complain. A year ago (before the surgery) I could not run at all, not even cycle because of pain, and walking was hazardous because it might give way. Whatever has gone down these past 12 months, and wherever this ends up - I've come a long way from that.
It's time to, even if it's difficult, think ahead and look to what's possible rather than to keep mourning the past and try to rationalise it. It's done and it won't change, so let's leave where it belongs. Easier said than done, and I'm sure you'll be reading a melancholic post here again, but for now that's my ambition at least.
Thank you for following my journey, and particularly Tony for encouraging comments and always being there, no matter how much I've been whining. You've given me some seriously good insights throughout and helped in keeping me sane.
ACL Rehab 2.0 will now become (courtesy of Tony) ACL 2.0 Beta, as the journey continues. Maybe the summer season can offer some new CJ drama?
x
5/25/2012
you can run but you can't hide
Run on the Day with capital D. Went rather well and I stopped because I decided to, not the knee.
5 km, 31 mins
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps
Hip extension on balance ball: 3x 10 reps/leg
Stretch
Bending
Could possibly have run longer, and even upped the pace to level 11.5 in the end. It's been a while since I did that. I'll continue running and at some point I have to introduce intervals again. But I'm scared. I'm too scared and I don't trust it at all to do stuff like that. Maybe I'll a week or two, just to give the hamstrings a chance to improve before. Yes, yes I'll do that.
x
5 km, 31 mins
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps
Hip extension on balance ball: 3x 10 reps/leg
Stretch
Bending
Could possibly have run longer, and even upped the pace to level 11.5 in the end. It's been a while since I did that. I'll continue running and at some point I have to introduce intervals again. But I'm scared. I'm too scared and I don't trust it at all to do stuff like that. Maybe I'll a week or two, just to give the hamstrings a chance to improve before. Yes, yes I'll do that.
x
5/23/2012
fail...!
Another session today. Was all planned to do a run, at least 5K per usual. However, after 2.5 km our lovely main character gave up. Medial pain and I stopped. Both because physio's orders and because it was simply too worrisome. Went on to do some strength instead.
20 mins cycling
2.5 km = 17 mins
Squats: 3x 20 kg (10) - w. heel support
Calf raises: 3x20 /leg
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps - PAIN!
Stretch
Bending: 2x
I'm not happy. I'm frustrated and upset because even the easiest things hurt, and I can't do anything. 2 days until 1 year post-op and where am I? Am I really supposed to be on the verge of tears because it hurts so much?
It's funny. Seconds after I left the gym I bumped into a friend. He's got similar problems with his back and shoulders and can't do any sports, not even running! I gave him a pep talk about how it takes time and how he should push even though it hurts. His comment: "I'll be as joyful as you are." Ironic, isn't it?
x
20 mins cycling
2.5 km = 17 mins
Squats: 3x 20 kg (10) - w. heel support
Calf raises: 3x20 /leg
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps - PAIN!
Stretch
Bending: 2x
I'm not happy. I'm frustrated and upset because even the easiest things hurt, and I can't do anything. 2 days until 1 year post-op and where am I? Am I really supposed to be on the verge of tears because it hurts so much?
It's funny. Seconds after I left the gym I bumped into a friend. He's got similar problems with his back and shoulders and can't do any sports, not even running! I gave him a pep talk about how it takes time and how he should push even though it hurts. His comment: "I'll be as joyful as you are." Ironic, isn't it?
x
yesterday
Monster 2½ hour gym session!
10 mins cycling
Interval cycling
Leg press: 3x 70 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (15)
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg (15) - still uncomfortable
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps
Bending: 3x
Hip extension on balance ball: 3x 10/leg
+ upper body
Stretch
Very good session, despite uncomfortability in leg extension. Don't like it.
x
10 mins cycling
Interval cycling
Leg press: 3x 70 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (15)
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg (15) - still uncomfortable
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps
Bending: 3x
Hip extension on balance ball: 3x 10/leg
+ upper body
Stretch
Very good session, despite uncomfortability in leg extension. Don't like it.
x
5/22/2012
a thought
This blog is called "ACL Rehab 2.0" - so in 3 days when the rehab period is over, would I be justified in keeping the blog?
x
x
3 days...
...until 1 year anniversary. Dreading it, I think. I'm a little sad that it doesn't mean anything, not really. I'm nowhere near recovered so it's only another day to reminisce.
Split feelings over here.
x
Split feelings over here.
x
5/20/2012
quality vs quantity?
I got a reply from CJ. I find it amusing and rather oddly dissatisfying that he says
"You should focus on quality rather than quantity - 3 strength sessions and 2 running per week is enough."
5 days a week is thus not regarded as 'quantity' by CJ. I'd say that's a quantity, no?
x
"You should focus on quality rather than quantity - 3 strength sessions and 2 running per week is enough."
5 days a week is thus not regarded as 'quantity' by CJ. I'd say that's a quantity, no?
x
pain + run
Week's final run today and it started hurting around 5 km. Physio told me to stop if running hurt so I finished 5 k is just over 30 mins and then quit. Walked a bit with 2.5 inclination to slow down.
5k
Bending
Balance board + hip flexion: 3x 10 reps
No time for glute bridges. Tomorrow.
x
5k
Bending
Balance board + hip flexion: 3x 10 reps
No time for glute bridges. Tomorrow.
x
yesterday...
Gym session yesterday. Nothing major for the following reason (and this is genuinely true) - I didn't want to wash my hair before going out. Dedication? As follows:
10 mins cycling
Leg press: 3x 70 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (15)
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg (15) - felt oddly and disturbingly uncomfortable
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps
Balance board + hip flexion: 3x 10 reps/leg
Think that was it! Also tried the squats without shaking knees, but I simply can't do it. Try, and try again.
x
10 mins cycling
Leg press: 3x 70 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (15)
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg (15) - felt oddly and disturbingly uncomfortable
Glute bridges: 2x 30 reps
Balance board + hip flexion: 3x 10 reps/leg
Think that was it! Also tried the squats without shaking knees, but I simply can't do it. Try, and try again.
x
5/17/2012
today
1 week before 12 months post-op. Joke.
Run: about 7km, 40 mins (not sure about this...but according to treadmill)
Some squats without weights to try and control the shaky knee. Fail.
Balance board.
On the bright side, the running felt good. Better than in a long, long time.
x
Run: about 7km, 40 mins (not sure about this...but according to treadmill)
Some squats without weights to try and control the shaky knee. Fail.
Balance board.
On the bright side, the running felt good. Better than in a long, long time.
x
gym
Yesterday's session:
10 mins cycling
6 mins interval cycling
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (10)
Leg extension: 3x 26 kg (15)
Bending
Glute bridges (part of the new regime): 2x 30 reps
Ran out of time after that. Hamstrings shall be worked!
x
10 mins cycling
6 mins interval cycling
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (10)
Leg extension: 3x 26 kg (15)
Bending
Glute bridges (part of the new regime): 2x 30 reps
Ran out of time after that. Hamstrings shall be worked!
x
5/15/2012
danger averted!
Also note the two smaller holes - that's where the genius surgeon put the first reconstruction.
My new physio (who I want to marry, naturally) said it's down to my hamstrings. Ironically, the least important part of a patella rehab! Not that I've been neglecting, not at all, but I apparently have to work more on them. And stabilisation of the knee. Haven't done any of that, thank you CJ.
Frustrated to the max, but I know I should be grateful that all is intact. I'm just so, so very tired. The doctor asked me "what do you want to do when you recover?" and I had no answer, as always. I don't know. What do I want to do? Maybe not have to worry every single second of every day about it? Maybe be able to wear heels without pain? Maybe run without pain? Maybe sometimes feel that I can join sporty stuff? I don't know.
x
5/13/2012
today
Today was running day.
6 km, about 35 minutes.
15 mins cycling
Bending 3x
Stretch
At 5 km it began hurting, but I'd already decided on 6k so I continued. By the end it did hurt in every step and it was stiff. After some bending it loosened up. Can't wait for Tuesday to find out what the deal is. Right now I'm holding off any kind of emotion as I can't possibly say one way or the other. But I've done my part I think, training-wise. CJ wanted me to rest, but I've done light sessions to keep my muscles.
We shall see.
x
6 km, about 35 minutes.
15 mins cycling
Bending 3x
Stretch
At 5 km it began hurting, but I'd already decided on 6k so I continued. By the end it did hurt in every step and it was stiff. After some bending it loosened up. Can't wait for Tuesday to find out what the deal is. Right now I'm holding off any kind of emotion as I can't possibly say one way or the other. But I've done my part I think, training-wise. CJ wanted me to rest, but I've done light sessions to keep my muscles.
We shall see.
x
gym
Yesterday's gym session. Light and painful.
10 mins cycling
Tried interval cycling - no good
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (10+5 reps)
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (10)
Lunges: 3x 10+5 reps - no weight
Balance board one-leg deadlifts: 3x 10 per leg
Pretty useless.
x
10 mins cycling
Tried interval cycling - no good
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (10+5 reps)
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (10)
Lunges: 3x 10+5 reps - no weight
Balance board one-leg deadlifts: 3x 10 per leg
Pretty useless.
x
5/10/2012
3 things: III
I am seeing an orthopedist on Tuesday. He works in central Tokyo and seems incredibly nice! A new crush perchance...? Also it looks like I can use my insurance, which would be great!
Potential MRI coming up, and I swear to god if that shows anything dodgy...I will actually laugh. 'Cause it'd be hilarious. Or tragic. Or both. I don't know. I'll have to wait for next week to see, but right now it hurts and it's hurts quite a bit.
11 months, 15 days post-op. I never thought I'd be in this situation again, and yet here I am. We shall see.
x
Potential MRI coming up, and I swear to god if that shows anything dodgy...I will actually laugh. 'Cause it'd be hilarious. Or tragic. Or both. I don't know. I'll have to wait for next week to see, but right now it hurts and it's hurts quite a bit.
11 months, 15 days post-op. I never thought I'd be in this situation again, and yet here I am. We shall see.
x
3 things: II
CJ replied. And I am not happy. It's been 2 weeks since I e-mailed him a rather upset e-mail with the headline "Slight panic".
Questions:
How do you not read that straight away?
How do you not reply to that straight away?
He said he'd been busy - yeah right. I've seen him work. He has an hour lunch break every day. If you don't prioritise a thing like that, you ain't no good physio. My other one in Norway replied to me on a Sunday evening after he just returned from a conference. Within 1 day of me sending it. Within another day I had the name and e-mail to a physio here. He replied to my thank-you e-mail within 2 hours.
Difference of private vs public or physio vs physio? I'm not sure but CJ - I think we're over. It's not me, it's you. I will have to find a new physio crush.
x
Questions:
How do you not read that straight away?
How do you not reply to that straight away?
He said he'd been busy - yeah right. I've seen him work. He has an hour lunch break every day. If you don't prioritise a thing like that, you ain't no good physio. My other one in Norway replied to me on a Sunday evening after he just returned from a conference. Within 1 day of me sending it. Within another day I had the name and e-mail to a physio here. He replied to my thank-you e-mail within 2 hours.
Difference of private vs public or physio vs physio? I'm not sure but CJ - I think we're over. It's not me, it's you. I will have to find a new physio crush.
x
3 things: I
Ran today. Did 50 minutes (45 actually running I think) at level 10 km/hr. Got to a nice 8 km before I stopped. Rather slow pace I know but right I'm doing nothing to aggravate this shitty situation. I stopped partly because of time, partly because it hurt a bit and I was starting to limp.
But I am satisfied with the run overall. Also did some bending exercises and balancing board. Decent work-out!
x
But I am satisfied with the run overall. Also did some bending exercises and balancing board. Decent work-out!
x
5/08/2012
gym
Gym gym. Felt alright although knee is always ready to resign. Managed some squats even today.
10 mins cycling
Interval cycling
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (15)
Leg extension: 26+28.5+28.5 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x39 kg (15)
Squats: 3x 20 kg (10)
Ski jumps (light): 2x40 reps
Did eat a truckload of carbs before so maybe that helped. It's a curse that the performance of my knee seems to be so dependent on intake of carbs! Weight-wise, that is. I love carbs.
x
ps. I called the clinic today and asked them to leave CJ a message to get the F back to me (not in so many words). If he doesn't reply within 2 hours (before they close) I give up on it. Hear that, CJ? Then it's over!
10 mins cycling
Interval cycling
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (15)
Leg extension: 26+28.5+28.5 kg (15)
Leg curl: 3x39 kg (15)
Squats: 3x 20 kg (10)
Ski jumps (light): 2x40 reps
Did eat a truckload of carbs before so maybe that helped. It's a curse that the performance of my knee seems to be so dependent on intake of carbs! Weight-wise, that is. I love carbs.
x
ps. I called the clinic today and asked them to leave CJ a message to get the F back to me (not in so many words). If he doesn't reply within 2 hours (before they close) I give up on it. Hear that, CJ? Then it's over!
5/06/2012
back in the gym
Did a minor strength session today. Minor because I don't trust my knee to take out the trash, and because it still hurts. As such:
20 min cycling
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (10 reps)
Leg curl: 32+39+39 kg (10)
Leg extension: 3x 26 kg (10)
Balance board
Bending 3x
Didn't have space to do squats but last time I tried it hurt like F so might be for the best. Will rest tomorrow, and then do strength again on Tuesday, to be followed by running on Wednesday. Admittedly it does feel a little bit better now after the gym session, but it's still swollen and hurts a bit, and even walking is a bit unsteady.
Fingers crossed CJ replies tomorrow. I need his opinion on this!
x
20 min cycling
Leg press: 3x 65 kg (10 reps)
Leg curl: 32+39+39 kg (10)
Leg extension: 3x 26 kg (10)
Balance board
Bending 3x
Didn't have space to do squats but last time I tried it hurt like F so might be for the best. Will rest tomorrow, and then do strength again on Tuesday, to be followed by running on Wednesday. Admittedly it does feel a little bit better now after the gym session, but it's still swollen and hurts a bit, and even walking is a bit unsteady.
Fingers crossed CJ replies tomorrow. I need his opinion on this!
x
5/05/2012
run
60-ish minute run today. Not sure about distance as I didn't use my fancy Nike+ but around 7-8 km maybe. Stopped every now and then because the knee was painful or threatening to fold + traffic lights etc.
Afterwards it was dead, and now walking hurts a bit. If CJ doesn't reply by Monday I swear I'll fly over there and knock on his door myself! I feel like I'm weightless in space - just sort of floating around without purpose, direction, or control. It's a weird feeling. Also eating a lot and can't really do proper training so getting fatter. I love my life. Yes, I could eat less but stress + inactivity = food galore.
It's a pathetic place to be in, and yet here I am. Just got to ride it out and hope the wave hits the shore at some point. During the run the meniscus hurt a lot, and I swear to god that if anything is wrong I will fall apart into a million pieces, and I'm not sure it'll be possible to glue it together again. Terrified? Me? Never...
And yes, people are starving, and people are in wheelchairs and people can't walk at all, and a thousand other things - but this is my world, and it's crumbling around me regardless. Gosh, I need someone to reason with. My own head is not good enough anymore.
x
Afterwards it was dead, and now walking hurts a bit. If CJ doesn't reply by Monday I swear I'll fly over there and knock on his door myself! I feel like I'm weightless in space - just sort of floating around without purpose, direction, or control. It's a weird feeling. Also eating a lot and can't really do proper training so getting fatter. I love my life. Yes, I could eat less but stress + inactivity = food galore.
It's a pathetic place to be in, and yet here I am. Just got to ride it out and hope the wave hits the shore at some point. During the run the meniscus hurt a lot, and I swear to god that if anything is wrong I will fall apart into a million pieces, and I'm not sure it'll be possible to glue it together again. Terrified? Me? Never...
And yes, people are starving, and people are in wheelchairs and people can't walk at all, and a thousand other things - but this is my world, and it's crumbling around me regardless. Gosh, I need someone to reason with. My own head is not good enough anymore.
x
5/04/2012
first try
Tried running today. First time since the twist. It was no great success, nor epic fail. Did 30 mins with some difficulty at a low pace, and it hurt afterwards (still does now). Also tried some squats w/o weight but that hurt too much. It crackles still and I'm trying not to freak out, but as CJ STILL hasn't replied (pestered him with another email tonight) I don't know what to do.
Keep the balance, I suppose. Another attempt at some strength tomorrow.
x
Keep the balance, I suppose. Another attempt at some strength tomorrow.
x
oh cj...
Still no reply from CJ. I suspect he's either on a long long weekend due to some national holidays in Sweden or simply ignoring me.
Either way, still don't know whether to freak out completely or only half-way. For now, I'm balancing on the edge of both.
Will go gym today to test some light running. I have no expectations as I notice my mental instability has become a lot worse. Running to catch a bus? I don't think so.
This sucks balls. Effort is worth nothing unless it produces success, I'm afraid.
x
Either way, still don't know whether to freak out completely or only half-way. For now, I'm balancing on the edge of both.
Will go gym today to test some light running. I have no expectations as I notice my mental instability has become a lot worse. Running to catch a bus? I don't think so.
This sucks balls. Effort is worth nothing unless it produces success, I'm afraid.
x
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