I e-mailed CJ. Today's training was disastrous and for the first time I cut it short. Leg press was killing at a mere 70 kg and the squats were too much to handle. I completed the interval cycling + all three leg machines, and that was it. No running, no ski jumping, no lunging. I feel awful about it but I couldn't continue. Far too painful. CJ's reply was sadly short but comforting. He wasn't too worried about it, but said I should go on painkillers for a week and try to avoid stairs (I've been walking a lot here) and take away weights for squats. Appreciate having him to ask, even if he really can't say much. E-mailed him back now asking whether it's best to just push through the pain or not. We'll see. So, the shortest summary yet:
10 mins cycling
Leg press: 70+70+70 kg
Leg curl: 39+39+39 kg
Leg extension: 12+14.5+14.5 kg
Interval cycling
I suppose this only gives me 3 nashi by the end of 4 months, but I'm fully determined to make up for today's disaster tomorrow. I will do squats, ski jumping and lunges + running + interval running. It's per week it counts, not per day, even if this organisation of training obviously isn't ideal. I'll be honest with you few readers, I'm starting to feel despondent about this thing. It's taking such a long time, I can't do anything, and it's not getting any better. I know, I know, it takes time and so on, but I don't know how much more I can take. Watched a dance class today and all I could about was that I'll probably never do that. I will most likely be able to do simple things, but dancing is such an effort for the knees. Basketball? Forget it. Football? Not a chance. And if I'm to go anything by the feeling I'm having now, it's like it won't be good this time either. Like it's not supposed to happen for me. Like this is my lot in life. Perhaps that's not the case and it's at any rate far too early to say, but my confidence and even motivation are failing me. It's a bit scary, like I can't control it, and I don't like it. But I don't know how to solve it. I'm going to quote Ted from How I Met Your Mother here:
"Its just, everyday I think I believe a little less, and a little less… and a little less, and that… sucks."
Yeah, pretty much.
x
I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it with the knee Jo. It can be incredibly hard to stay motivated when you feel like you're not getting anywhere - I can relate to that.
ReplyDeleteCrap though it may be, come the end of the designated rehab period it may be the case that the knee remains crocked and has no intention of being a good knee and getting better. On the other hand, you can't know that until you see it through and find out.
Bear in mind the self-doubt you'll have to deal with if you don't see the rehab stage through properly. If you work your ass of (while resting reasonably too!) then either you'll have a positive outcome, or if not, then you'll know for sure that it wasn't through lack of effort, but rather as it was simply not meant to be.
If you let the level drop however, I reckon you'll find yourself asking constantly, "What if, what if? Maybe one more surgery". This course of action leads direct to frustration and poor mental health!
SOO! Be strong. Keep working. See. It. Out. Have faith in the fact that your effort is amazing and a credit to you. It's uplifting to watch.
At the end you can stop. Until then don't let the buggers get you down.
Tony
P.S. Maybe you should think about seeking out a Japanese physio? Maybe CJ could recommend someone? Or else, email him all the time. Who knows it might lead to physioromance...