Finally a gym session.
10 mins cycling
Interval cycling (proper)
Leg press: 65+70+70 kg
Leg extension: 26+28.5+28.5 kg
Deadlifts: 3x 20 kg
Squats: 3x 20 kg
Bending: 3x
Stretch
Did some upper body and all in all it took 1 ½ hours. Must say it felt ok, although I can certainly feel that I'm rather unfit. Got some friends now to go to classes with so hopefully I can push this last month. Also joining tennis!
I'll be honest. I'm terrified. It's 'over' soon. Except it won't be. Ok, let's not go there right now. We know how it ends.
x
4/17/2012
4/14/2012
yday
Had a little run and some strength.
6 km = 32 min
0.5 inclination most of the way
Squats: 3x 20 kg (10)
Bending: 3x
Balance cushion
Lateral lunges: 3x 8 kg (20)
Felt alright and I adjusted the pace a little so that I was rather tired by the end. Knee felt stiff and not very fit. Will hopefully be joining a sport soon and may have acquired a gym buddy to go to classes with. We'll see. So sick of this.
x
6 km = 32 min
0.5 inclination most of the way
Squats: 3x 20 kg (10)
Bending: 3x
Balance cushion
Lateral lunges: 3x 8 kg (20)
Felt alright and I adjusted the pace a little so that I was rather tired by the end. Knee felt stiff and not very fit. Will hopefully be joining a sport soon and may have acquired a gym buddy to go to classes with. We'll see. So sick of this.
x
4/12/2012
melancholic pleasure
I would like to take a moment and apologise for the last week's depressing posts. Normally I wouldn't mind, because this is my own space for my thoughts through this process - BUT I've seen a consistent rise in readers as well (anyone spot a connection?) so I think it's worth a post.
No, things are not great and as I'm closing in on the completion of my rehabilitation period - what should be a joyous moment of freedom - I can't help but to feel more trapped than ever. Not only am I forever tied to a regular rather tough training routine, but there are no guarantees that will even help. I don't mind working out, and in fact I do realise it is somewhat of a blessing. This way, I'll never be able to completely let myself go. It's a healthy life style I'm given.
On the other hand, the consequences if I do not follow the regime are dire. Even after 2 weeks of slipping, when I ran 10K I could not walk afterwards or the following day. Long holidays? That one-month volunteering trip I want to make? Don't even think about it.
And of course, at the same time, any elite sports is out of the question. Unless we're discussing chess or paralympics here, my days beyond "ambitious amateur" (as CJ calls it) are over. Not that I was hoping to go to the WNBA or even national league in Sweden (I gave that up long ago), but I can't even dream about it anymore. Now all that's left is the 'what if...'. I hate the what if.
Sports has always been my life, and perhaps this is a sign that my destiny is something else, but I can't figure out what. Sports is what I do, and what I've always done, and I just feel like I've lost a big part of myself. Not just through losing basketball. I've (sort of) made my peace with that. But losing sports as a whole - or at least any ambitions/dreams I may still harbour.
It's just not going to happen for me, and I'll always have to be conscious of my knee. Mr Physio said that I'll probably always feel it one way or the other. That would be fine if I was old, and it would be natural for the body to remind me of the age. But I'm not old, even though it certainly feels like it. I'm 22 and supposedly have my whole life in front of me. I've had this crap since I was 14.
To put everything above in one sentence, I guess I just don't see an end to it. And that both scares me and makes me sad. I'm sure I'll snap out of this melancholia at some point, and hopefully I'm not making any other ACL victims too depressed.
If you're out there reading this before, during or after your ACL rehab, know one thing - I've been terribly unlucky through this process, what with rogue surgeries and personal denial delaying the inevitable. You'll be fine because most people are fine. I'm just in those 10-20% you don't want to be in.
Anyway, sorry for a long post but I needed to write it down because it's been bugging me for a long time. Thank you for reading, and please feel free to mail any questions you may have about ACL surgeries/rehab etc to ladypretentious@gmail.com. I know a fair bit about it.
Again, thank you.
x
No, things are not great and as I'm closing in on the completion of my rehabilitation period - what should be a joyous moment of freedom - I can't help but to feel more trapped than ever. Not only am I forever tied to a regular rather tough training routine, but there are no guarantees that will even help. I don't mind working out, and in fact I do realise it is somewhat of a blessing. This way, I'll never be able to completely let myself go. It's a healthy life style I'm given.
On the other hand, the consequences if I do not follow the regime are dire. Even after 2 weeks of slipping, when I ran 10K I could not walk afterwards or the following day. Long holidays? That one-month volunteering trip I want to make? Don't even think about it.
And of course, at the same time, any elite sports is out of the question. Unless we're discussing chess or paralympics here, my days beyond "ambitious amateur" (as CJ calls it) are over. Not that I was hoping to go to the WNBA or even national league in Sweden (I gave that up long ago), but I can't even dream about it anymore. Now all that's left is the 'what if...'. I hate the what if.
Sports has always been my life, and perhaps this is a sign that my destiny is something else, but I can't figure out what. Sports is what I do, and what I've always done, and I just feel like I've lost a big part of myself. Not just through losing basketball. I've (sort of) made my peace with that. But losing sports as a whole - or at least any ambitions/dreams I may still harbour.
It's just not going to happen for me, and I'll always have to be conscious of my knee. Mr Physio said that I'll probably always feel it one way or the other. That would be fine if I was old, and it would be natural for the body to remind me of the age. But I'm not old, even though it certainly feels like it. I'm 22 and supposedly have my whole life in front of me. I've had this crap since I was 14.
To put everything above in one sentence, I guess I just don't see an end to it. And that both scares me and makes me sad. I'm sure I'll snap out of this melancholia at some point, and hopefully I'm not making any other ACL victims too depressed.
If you're out there reading this before, during or after your ACL rehab, know one thing - I've been terribly unlucky through this process, what with rogue surgeries and personal denial delaying the inevitable. You'll be fine because most people are fine. I'm just in those 10-20% you don't want to be in.
Anyway, sorry for a long post but I needed to write it down because it's been bugging me for a long time. Thank you for reading, and please feel free to mail any questions you may have about ACL surgeries/rehab etc to ladypretentious@gmail.com. I know a fair bit about it.
Again, thank you.
x
fml
6 km
In the darkness, dodging people and dogs and speed bumps and mostly trying not to die. Shape is in shambles, knee is in shambles, everything is in shambles.
F my life.
x
In the darkness, dodging people and dogs and speed bumps and mostly trying not to die. Shape is in shambles, knee is in shambles, everything is in shambles.
F my life.
x
4/11/2012
today
Man, I'm unfit.
10 mins cycling
1x interval cycling
Leg press: 70+70+75 kg
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (15+15+10)
Leg extension: 3x 26 kg
Squats: none+bar+5 kg
Agility: 20 mins
Bending: 3x
How can I have gone from so fit 2 weeks ago to this flabby chubby mess? Kill me now, please.
x
10 mins cycling
1x interval cycling
Leg press: 70+70+75 kg
Leg curl: 3x 39 kg (15+15+10)
Leg extension: 3x 26 kg
Squats: none+bar+5 kg
Agility: 20 mins
Bending: 3x
How can I have gone from so fit 2 weeks ago to this flabby chubby mess? Kill me now, please.
x
4/10/2012
1.5
1.5 months. That's all that's left. Until I'm "finished". Yeah, right.
Here I am, sat in my room. It's 3pm and I'm still in my kimono (read: robe). All I've done is watch Friends episode after episode and finishing up the last of my sweets. I feel so fat and lazy and useless.
Then add on top of that the above fact. 1.5 months until I'm supposed to be "cured". In other words at the top level, or as good as it gets, or in my life's shape.
Excuse me?
The knee feels like it did back around 4-5 months and I've added another couple of layers of fat in the past 2 weeks. I know, I know, if I go back to serious training I'll go back in fitness but what about the knee? I'm nowhere near a normal level! And perhaps the worst part - I have no particular reason to get back to one! Why? Why, why, why? I have no sport to return to and no major purpose to pursue.
Of course whining doesn't help, and of course I'll do my training this week. Have 4 more days after all for 3 sessions so I'll be fine. But if I don't start doing serious, sports-oriented training, this is where I'll be. And what difference does it make anyway?
How did I end up here?
x
Here I am, sat in my room. It's 3pm and I'm still in my kimono (read: robe). All I've done is watch Friends episode after episode and finishing up the last of my sweets. I feel so fat and lazy and useless.
Then add on top of that the above fact. 1.5 months until I'm supposed to be "cured". In other words at the top level, or as good as it gets, or in my life's shape.
Excuse me?
The knee feels like it did back around 4-5 months and I've added another couple of layers of fat in the past 2 weeks. I know, I know, if I go back to serious training I'll go back in fitness but what about the knee? I'm nowhere near a normal level! And perhaps the worst part - I have no particular reason to get back to one! Why? Why, why, why? I have no sport to return to and no major purpose to pursue.
Of course whining doesn't help, and of course I'll do my training this week. Have 4 more days after all for 3 sessions so I'll be fine. But if I don't start doing serious, sports-oriented training, this is where I'll be. And what difference does it make anyway?
How did I end up here?
x
last one last week
Bit late but here goes:
5 km = 30 mins
With 0.5 inclination
15 minutes bending + jumping
x
5 km = 30 mins
With 0.5 inclination
15 minutes bending + jumping
x
4/07/2012
After a binge of sweets and noodles I dragged myself to the gym - and what a success! Well...sort of. Now I can't walk.
10 km - 60 mins
Leg press: 65 kg x3
Leg extension: 26 kg x 3
Cycling 5 mins
Bending x3
Success because I ran 10 km and for a full hour! Long time since I did that. Epic fail of course because I barely could walk afterwards because the knee hurt so much. Painkillers next! Still hurts, hours later. I'm 22, not 80! And at more than 10 months post-op this is hardly how it should be...
x
10 km - 60 mins
Leg press: 65 kg x3
Leg extension: 26 kg x 3
Cycling 5 mins
Bending x3
Success because I ran 10 km and for a full hour! Long time since I did that. Epic fail of course because I barely could walk afterwards because the knee hurt so much. Painkillers next! Still hurts, hours later. I'm 22, not 80! And at more than 10 months post-op this is hardly how it should be...
x
realisations
I haven't been out of training this long, just didn't have time to update. But this week has left me with 3 sessions to do in 2 days to reach the minimum level. Will get 2 done at least.
But.
But.
I've reached a slump again and because I've had 5 days without training the knee is bad, and my body even worse. Suddenly it struck me - this is what my life will be like now. A continuous fight against myself, and my body. Unless I constantly keep up a consistent training week in and week out, I'm going to struggle with it all the time.
I'm 22 years old.
It's not my choice anymore. These are my shackles.
x
But.
But.
I've reached a slump again and because I've had 5 days without training the knee is bad, and my body even worse. Suddenly it struck me - this is what my life will be like now. A continuous fight against myself, and my body. Unless I constantly keep up a consistent training week in and week out, I'm going to struggle with it all the time.
I'm 22 years old.
It's not my choice anymore. These are my shackles.
x
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