i hate this

You've heard it before, but this time it's legitimate. I hate this, and I hate it bad.

In short, as I'm in no mood for expanded explanations: I went to Zumba tonight and 20 minutes in I twisted the knee. No damage I don't think but it 'dislocated' like a million times before and stayed that way for about 20 seconds before clicking back.

I e-mailed CJ but he didn't see it before going home so now I have to wait until Monday to find out what he says. 11 months post-op, and this happens. I have no words.

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the imminent end

I've decided that the soon-to-be-non-end to this whole shebang in a month is both good and bad. Surprised? Well, let me explain.

Bad because:
- it somehow, in a twisted sense, gives me a purpose in life.
- it allows me the benefit of a doubt, and the hope that I haven't yet reached the top level.
- it's all I know. What will I do after?
- it won't be the end, even if I pretend it is.
- running out of time.

Good because:
- the end! 8 years can finally, finally, be concluded.
- even if I'm not at the level I should be, the time pressure is off. No longer will I sit there at the 25th of each month thinking 'crap, only X months left'. No, no, I'll still mark every 25th and think 'crap, X months have passed' but the time constraint will be off.
- I can help my brain readjust to a normal knee and a normal life. No excuses from then on, and I can assume I'm healthy. Freedom.

Except I don't think I'll ever be 100% fine. My mind is so used to this now - 8/22 years! - so either it'll take years and years to recover mentally, or I never will.

4 weeks left, and as always I'm torn between joy and despair. I was never good with goodbyes. Then again, I guess this one is more of a greeting of sorts. A welcome back to my friend, my partner - my knee.

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that run

It happened, I swear. Even if I don't have any evidence for it. 40 minutes into the run, my beloved ex-friend Nike+ iPod device decided enough was enough - and quit. Without saving the run at all.

Because of this I don't know distance, but I know I was out for 60 minutes and that included a sprint from bottom to top of a hill (with some stairs). I had planned to do a number of sprints but I wanted to die at the end of the first one so sat down for a bit and then ran home. Also did 30 box jumps.

Very upset with my device.

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why can't we just be friends?

I'm about to go for a run in the drizzling, grey weather - but I can't seem to find the energy. That seems to be a common theme these days, and although I am bored to death with very little to do, I can't muster up even enough for 30 mins run. Might have something to do with recent weight gain too (both muscles and fat). So much fatigue.

Bottomline: I don't want to go running. I want to be ABLE to go running, but I want to do sports. I want to go back and do basketball again, without 8 years of knee crap. I want to be able to do stuff without worrying constantly about this goddamn thing.

That's what I want, but as we know reality is something quite different. And so, consequently, I shall now put on my thermal running gear and do that run. 'Cause that's the way the cookie crumbles.

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too damn muscular!

I know it's not The Hulk-level, but I feel so masculine! If I lost some fat tissue I'd certainly look 'smaller' but question is if my muscles wouldn't be more defined and so, by default, I'd look even less feminine? Gosh, I feel awful.

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ps. yes, my room is a mess.

11 months

11 months post-op. Unbelievable.

And I celebrated by not training. How suitable. Not to worry, I will do my share this week.

11 months ago I was on the table, and in one month it will (officially) be over. Of course it's never going to be over, but there you go.

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strength sesh

Today's:

10 mins cycling
Interval cycling
Leg press: 3x 70 kg
Leg curl: 32+39+39 kg
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg
Squats: 3x 20 kg
Side lunges: 3x 10 reps
Balance cushion
Bending x3
+ upper body

Knee feels achy tonight. Decent session but I don't seem to increase any weights. Quickly got fatigued as well - and trust me, there is nothing minuscule about the calorie intake. Squats felt alright for once. I'm starting to think I'll never achieve equal strength in both legs - it's simply been too long. Not sure what to make of that.

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zumba!

Tried a Zumba class today! I've been a wee bit suspicious towards this trend as it seems a bit too popular, what with tv-ads in numerous versions, and DVDs etc etc. But, in my quest for new work-out routines I went.

And I love it!

It was so much fun, the instructor was the nicest and a complete contrast to yesterday's Aerobics! Definitely making this my Sunday standard. It's quite the work-out as well. Pulse up, out of breath, and the knee felt it good. Definitely the type of thing I need to be doing.

To Zumba!

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class debut!

Finally, finally got myself to try the classes at the gym. In other words I managed to convince a friend to go with me. Today we did 30 mins Dance followed by 50 minutes Aerobics. Verdict?

Never again. Dance was fine (although the old ladies were waay better than us!) but Aerobics was fricking hard! And not my style. Will probably do Dance again, and tomorrow we're trying Zumba!

But again I realise I'm more of a sports person, as opposed to classes. I want basketball and I want it now, dammit! Crikey, this one's a tough one...

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gymming

Gym session yesterday. Only rather light in knee terms but my legs are aching! Here we go:

10 mins cycling
Leg press: 3x 70 kg
Leg extension: 3x 28.5 kg
Squats: 3x 20 kg
Lunges on board: 3x 14 kg
Bending: 3x

Also did some upper body + core and one lap of interval cycling. I think it's fine for a second strength session.

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