Last Chance Saloon

Today I had my last session with CJ and at the clinic. How sad! However, there was plenty of CJ-action so I can save some memories for the coming year.

I have learnt that he is not a handy type of man. How cute! He was trying to fix the stationary cycles but couldn't. A patient who was cycling next to him had to explain that it worked like any bicycle, but that piece of information didn't help at all. In the end they established that he was missing an item that wasn't in the box sent by the repair people.

"Never properly done, is it?" said CJ. "It's useless."

Hello bitterness. Don't you worry, my dear, soon you and Zombie will be off in your blissful sovereignty!

In other news, I was left alone in his office for 2 minutes during our appointment. Discoveries: he has an iPhone, he wears reading glasses and he is not very organised (papers everywhere). Wanted to snoop more but he was standing literally on the other side of the door so was risky. Then, once we had said our tearful fairwell (not really) and I had done my training session, I spotted him from the gym going towards the elevator, phone in hand. Had I left 2 minutes earlier I would've had to share it with him. Awkward? No, of course not. Luckily I stayed for a bit so he left for lunch before me.

It doesn't end there, though, no. I had to go the bank to sort some stuff out and thought to myself in the elevator down (I bet CJ is there too - that'd be weird!). Thankfully I am aware of my psychic abilities and as I headed in to the bank had a quic glance. And very well, there he was. Needless to say I turned on the spot and made my other errands first. When I got back, he was gone. Close call.

Good to know even I have the self-control to leave. In a way it's good that I'm going away now. This unrequited love story is taking its toll on me and it is best if it lives on merely inside my mind. Nonetheless, I shall miss my divine pug-like man very much!

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Decisions, decisions...

I'm giving my e-mail to CJ tomorrow. Do I choose...

...the serious one?
...the funny one?
...the cool one?
...or the normal one?

Which side of me do I want him to see?

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5 stages of grief: Anger

2. Anger
"Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"

Oh, how we have been here. The frustration, the bitterness, the eternal question - WHY ME? All of these other players who don't care as much, who don't train as much, and who don't carry the same sky-high dreams - why no them? I've found blame everywhere and nowhere - my coach for taking that extra minute of training; myself for being pumped and doing unnecessary defence; the surgeon for messing up the surgery; the physio for not being proper (sorry CJ!); my knee for being a twat and not healing; the Universe for making me part of that small percentage who re-tear the reconstructed ACL; etc, etc. Nowadays I mostly blame the surgeon but the question above still resides inside as an integral part of my heart. Why me? Why not that girl who couldn't care less if she could never play again?

Of course, she didn't train as hard and didn't have as much opportunity to get injured. In a way, it was my passion that allowed me to get hurt. All those hours in the sports hall; the game, the training, the - everything. But naturally the logic behind it doesn't matter. It is what it is, and the anger I felt (or feel?) does not respond to logical arguments. It only listens to the language of the Soul.

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Funny stuff

In the gym at my clinic there are these funny figurines along the windows.They're from a very expensive brand and just crack me up every time.

They show exercising people of various shapes and forms, most of them heavily obese but with a blissful smile on the face nevertheless. I could probably assign one for each shuffling elderly lady/man who goes there.

Is this one me?

Or maybe this one?

                                       

This is my absolute favourite! The level of grumpiness!

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Second to last

Had my second to last session today at the gym, and I didn't even get to say hello to CJ. Was also in a rush home so couldn't even hang around for a bit. Despite illness, decent session. Interval cycling is not fun. End of.

10 mins cycling
Leg press: 75+75+75 kg
Leg curl: 30+30+30 kg
Leg extension: 10+10+10 kg
Squats: 10+10+10 kg
Lunges on board: 3x10 (both legs)
Ski jumps: 3x40
Bending
Interval cycling

Leg extension was ok today actually. Still crackling but didn't feel as uncomfortable, even if I still hold on to the opinion that I'd probably live happily ever after without it (but as CJ explained, it trains the knee in for example kicking a football - "which you'll find yourself doing at some point". Let me think back years and years...erm, no?). Now a long weekend and Monday is final, final one. I was thinking about suggesting Skype with CJ....hm...

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5 stages of grief: Denial

According to the well-known Kübler-Ross model, there are five stages of grief that most people go through in a tough situation (usually death). In facing the fact that basketball is over, I believe I've gone through them all, perhaps more than once each.

1. Denial
Wikipedia says: "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."

Need I elaborate on this one? For over 7 years I kept telling myself the above. It's ok, it'll be ok, just one more try. Out of all people, why would something so horrible happen to me? For over a year 2009-2010 I told myself the ACL could not possibly be torn again - it couldn't happen to me. Sure, 10-15% re-tear their ACL after a reconstruction, but me? Nah. Surely not.

I kept that sentiment, even after the keyhole surgery where I was told it was torn, until I had the second reconstruction. From September 2010 to May 2011 I held on to the hope that a surgeon would look at the MRI scan and say "Oh, sorry we were mistaken. The ACL is fine." And honestly so. For every scan I had done, I expected it out of the doctor's mouth.

Of course, that comment never came but it was all the same: a re-tear was a fact. 


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If tomorrow never comes...I'll be happy

Oh, so very much not looking forward to tomorrow's session. Feverish, nose blocked, sneezing every ten minutes, throat sore and knee achy. Last gym of the week however, and second to last day at the clinic. Can't believe it's gone by this quickly!

I shall miss it dearly :(

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Spotted

I saw her today. In the flesh. It was weird. Because she doesn't know who I am. But I know her. Of course I know her. She was wearing all black and because of her shirt I recognised her. It had the logo of the company she works for on it. I spotted her from the escalator. She was shorter than I imagined. In a way prettier, but also much harder, sterner, than I thought she would be. Skinny legs, but a bit puffy stomach. I suppose she has a child who isn't very old, so it's allowed. He can do better than her.

Who? Why, Mrs MJ of course.

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Pain (have we heard it before?)

Been out in town etc for 4 hours shopping and now the knee protests. Not a happy joint. Been working it pretty hard this week, already 3 times and with an infection (cold) so the inside is hurting again.

Sofa therapy it is.

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Week 14

Assuming my calculations are correct, I am now entered in week 14. = 38 weeks to go to full recovery. Still very ill; fever and cold and sore throat. Hence, this morning's 8.30am session did not appeal to me all too much but as the soldier I am, I went and not only pulled through - but excelled expectations!

10 mins cycling
Leg press: 75+75+75 kg
Leg curl: 30+30+30
Leg extension: 10+10+10 kg - still crackling during this one but confidence gets higher each time!
Squats: 10+10+10 kg
Lunges from board: 3x 10 (both legs) - troublesome day for this.
Ski jumps: 3x 40
Bending
Interval cycling - some pain but overall ok.
Running: W500m, R1000m, W500m - never got into a good rhythm but felt ok; more pain in lower back than knee...
Stretch - decided to start with this; aching and tense muscles are not healthy muscles.

So yes, a decent day and even though I thought I might faint at a few points, I survived. Even got a peek of MJ in sweats and CJ in his bright blu polo shirt. Can't complain! The sad thing is that I only have 2 more days at the clinic before I go to Tokyo :(

I will miss CJ most of all!

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